Ah, it is the age old debate between and among parents of what to protect their children from, and what to expose them to. For the most part, Joe and I agree; we will be moderately liberal in our exposure of the real world to our children. We share a similar beloved memory of seeing "The Shining" uncut at a very young age. It is still one of our favorite movies. And I think back fondly to a time when my father sat me down in front of the television at age five to watch Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video. I may have been curled up under a blanket on the floor in the fetal position for the duration of the video but I will be darned if the next thing I asked for from my parents wasn't the "Thriller" album!
One area that is a little more gray for us is language. When do we start to censor ourselves in front of Joseph, and what words to censor? Now don't get me wrong, I don't plan on prancing around and spouting George Carlin's Seven Dirty Words in front of my kids, nor any of the other big forbiddens, but there are a few others that have emerged as no-no's in this day and age that come as a surprise to me. Words like "stupid" and "hate."
As kids, we were not protected from such words in our household and I still turned out okay (at least I think so). But, yesterday at a friends house I let the word "stupid" slip in front of the hostess's 4 year old daughter. The little girl reprimanded me "don't say 'stupid'!" and then asked her mother if I needed to go to the Naughty Corner among eruptions of laughter by the other guests. It brought me back to a rather unpleasant memory of reading a book as a child and having an adult correct me when I came across that same word in the text: "it's 'silly', Missy, not 'stupid'." Oh, the shame I felt at knowing that I did something wrong, but not even realizing I had done it until the damage was done. I don't want Joseph to ever know that shame.
So that brings me back to my original questions. Guessing by my 4-year-old disciplinarian's reaction, the time to censor myself is now. And what words to censor? That is not so much up to me as it is up to the parents of the children that my kids will interact with. So now it is the responsibility of all the other little dilinquents at daycare or on the playground to expose young Joseph to such "naughty" words, not mine! I ponder these things and more from my self-imposed punishment in the Naughty Corner...
6 comments:
We realized we needed to watch our language when our son let out a "mamm it" after his aunt said the "D" word. He was about 2 at that point. As for "stupid," it seems like a harmless word but it sounds a little more brutal to a young one so we try to keep our son from saying it. If someone else says it, we taught him to say "I'm not allowed to use that word."
Thank you for the advice. This parenting journey isn't easy, we are learning as we go.
I like that advice of my friend Baker. Teaching the young ones to say "I'm not allowed to use that word". We can choose what we are going to say and not say in front of our little ones, but the reality is they are going to hear it somewhere at some point. Just as though we will teach them to love and accept others, but inevitably they will learn from someone they cross paths with what hate is. My thought is, I will do the best I can to teach our little ones what is right in my mind and help them work through it when they learn something that will make them question me. How sad it is to know though that their innocence will be lost someday....
How well I remember the time I referred to myself as "stupid" in front of Jane & Andy's crew. There was an audible gasp, dead silence, and then Alex (the brave one) said, "Grandma, that's not a nice word - we don't call people names". (Even ourselves, I guess). I agree that times have changed, but probably it's a good thing. There's so much hatred and intolerance in the world, it makes sense to teach our kids not to use such negative words. I guess my take is we don't want to use words that hurt or demean or undermine self-image. But on the other hand, I've blown it and all I can do is apologize and tell the kids I'll be more careful in the future.
The bottom line is the love and good example we do our best to convey to our children.
Well, you really struck a chord . I've given you a treatise! Sorry.
See you tomorrow!
I have to say that I do not believe we can shelter our children from words. Seemingly innocent words, such as silly, can take on horrible meaning if used with malice. Perhaps we should teach our children that the intent behind their words is more hurtful than the words themselves. I wish that mere censorship of certain words would protect my child from the harm these words can inflict. However, I know that is not true. Nor is it the solution for our family. I only hope Ian will be able to grasp these distinctions when the time comes to explain them.
Words are very powerful. It is right to choose your words carefull, especially around children. There is no need go overboard on the side of correctness - however, teaching a child to say, "I don't care for...." instead of remaining aloof to their,"I hates" really will make the world a better place.
That said, adults see the world through so many filters - kids have but one at first, and that is the one created in their home. Kids absorb, hear, and remember everything, so why not choose your words carefully?
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