A Weekend Away

The family spent the weekend in Cedarburg with the Myers grandparents. Joe and I were celebrating our 2 yr anniversary so G-ma and G-pa freed us up to spend some time alone, and JJ did very well being away from us!

One Month Old

I can't believe its been one month already. It went by so fast, and we didn't even break him!

My favorite time of day

We have created a monster...a SNUGGLE monster! It seems that little JJ has gotten used to the warmth of being close to us in our own bed. He started getting fussy when it came time to put him back in his crib after feedings so we would hold him for a while until we were sure he was asleep. But now it doesn't matter how soundly he sleeps, soon after being put down he begins to wail.

I know that I am making it sound like an annoyance, but actually its really nice. Joe and I agree that co-sleeping with JJ is heaven, still we know that it can be unsafe. All the same, my favorite time of day is after a feeding when JJ has become "wet noodle" and I snuggle under the covers with him asleep on my chest or next to me face-to-face.

No, Thank You

I know that I can't possibly express in words what Joe means to me, certainly not as eloquently as he expressed what I mean to him. Simply put Joe saved me. As many of our close friends know it hasn't been easy for me to get over or deal with the demons of my past. When Joe and I met I was on a potentially destructive path both emotionally and physically. What Joe provided for me was an opportunity for the first time in my entire life to shamelessly be who I really and truly am.

I used to be a very insecure and sensitive person with very aggressive tendencies. I had internalized a "bad girl" persona that made me feel guilty and worthless. Now, I'm not cured completely but Joe helps me see and understand where these irrational feelings come from and he helps me realize that I don't have to go through life feeling that way. He makes me feel like I am the person who I have always tried to be: a good person, a nice girl.

Joe is my role model. He exhibits everything that I want to and try to be. When we were first getting to know each other I would constantly be blown away by the sheer number of people who just LOVE Joe. He has such wonderful friends, many of whom I am proud to call my friends now too. But even all their mothers and siblings and extended families love Joe. This was completely foreign to me but if you know Joe than it should come as no surprise. I never knew someone could be so genuine and selfless and I felt special to be the person who he chose to be with. Sometimes I still feel that I don't deserve him.

I am proud to be the mother of his son, a son who is beginning to look more and more like him every day. Now I have two Joes to spend my life with. How did I get to be so lucky?

Thank you, Melissa...

On August 18, 2002, I met my destiny in the backyard of a nice home in Brookfield, Wisconsin. It took the form of an amazingly beautiful woman who wanted someone to smoke with. When we parted ways that day, I had no choice but to hug this relative stranger with whom I shared 15 minutes. Somehow, what should have been a completely random and innocuous encounter became my future. My beautiful, intelligent and hilarious future. That was the most important day of my life.

Now, 4 years later, after several arguments and a few tears and tons of laughter, we are married and live in a great little home in Sheboygan Falls, Wisconsin. We have a cat named Shimmy who is missing one of her important teeth. We have neighbors who welcomed us into their tightly-knit world like we were already part of their family. And, best of all, we have a beautiful son. His name is Joseph James.

On September 21, 2006, I had the honor and privilege to stand by my wife and witness the absolute miracle that was the birth of our son. Just as amazing was being able to see how truly strong my wife could be. I always knew she was a determined and strong-willed person, but to be with her for those trying hours, to look in her eyes, was to be a part of something tremendous. Something that I will forever carry with me. At one point, as she was lying on the bed (before the pushing), she looked up at me with those huge and amazing eyes. I saw fear, but felt a wave of love like I’d never, ever experienced. I wanted to stay there, protecting her, forever.

Now, we are a family. We were before, mind you, but the Gift that is Joseph James has made us whole. And this woman – this amazingly strong, intelligent, pretty, beautiful, often hilarious, caring woman – is my very best friend. And to see her with our boy is to see what she was meant to be: The most important woman in the lives of two people named Joseph who will forever need her and love her more than anything.

And I thank The Powers That Be every day that we had that God-Blessed cigarette.

JJ Smiles

So I am on the phone with a very slow cellular customer service rep. And these times when JJ is awake and not fussing are usually short so I am holding him and rocking him and hoping that he remains calm. At one point I look down at him, he's looking up at me, I smile and...he smiles back!!! Joe just told me that he just smiled at him a minute ago.

We thought we might have seen him smile before. Several times once when he was half asleep and I was stroking his head and tracing his ears with my finger. But now we are pretty sure that JJ does smile.

When I was ready to pop

I have several relatives who did not get to see me pregnant, and at least one friend who didn't but really wanted to. So Brian and assorted relatives, this is for you. Here I am about ready to pop in the 34th and then 37th week. Simply moving around was difficult then and it already feels like a million years ago.

Whisker Dilemma

When we brought JJ home for the first time we set him in his carrier on the kitchen table. The way the sun shafted through the blinds and hit his face you could see a blond hair on his cheek. We tried to brush it away, but it turns out it is attached to our son's face. We didn't want to pluck for fear of hurting our new baby, and Joe thinks that cutting it will only make it grow back thicker and darker. We thought maybe it would fall off on its own. That was three weeks ago and it just keeps getting longer and longer. What to do?

My Nephew Ian

He is gorgeous! You can almost see a family resemblance.

Labor and Delivery

Exactly as the title states, this posting is about my labor and delivery. Please skip it if this does not interest you.

For some reason I have this compulsion to give all the details of my labor and delivery. I wonder if this happens to all mothers or if I am just weird. I suppose it is because this is something I had never been through before, and because the experience was nothing like I imagined or my prenatal classes could have prepared me for. But also, I guess I am proud of my accomplishment; as you will find out I had to overcome a lot of my fears and experience a lot of unpleasant things for the first time.

My due date was October 1st. A week before I went into labor my sister had her first baby (my nephew Ian). Her due date was a week before mine, so all of the sudden I was feeling the pressure to deliver (pun intended). However, I had been convinced that I would be one of those women who last well into their 42nd week and have to be induced.

I was beginning to get anxious and my doc confirmed on the Friday before that I was 1cm dilated and 60% thinned. But then you hear those stories about women who are dilated to 3 or 4 cms and wait another three weeks for something to happen. Not to mention I had until that point never felt a contraction, Braxton Hicks or otherwise. The night before I went into labor my annual bout of hayfever acted up in a major way. At about 3 am I went into the office to read since I couldn't sleep and my sniffling was keeping Joe up. I never did get back to sleep and when I got up for good I thought "please don't let it be today, I am so exhausted!"

I had plans with my friend Dawn that day (Sept 20) so I got ready, ate some leftover pizza which turned out to be the last solid food I ate for almost 24 hours, and rested on the sofa to count fetal movements. I then got up to check the mail and just as I reached the box: gush, gush, gush. At first I thought it might just be bladder incontinence (not unusual during pregnancy) but if it was it was unlike any bladder incontinence I had ever experienced before. It kept coming in occassional gushes every few minutes. My pulse began to quicken and I simultaneously began to laugh and cry. Needless to say, I had to change my pants. So there I was pantsless in the hallway calling Poor Dawn (who didn't answer and showed up at my house after finally getting my message and furiously pounded on my door terrified that I was passed out on the floor), my husband to come home, and then the clinic to find out if it was indeed time.

The nurse told me to wait 15 minutes and call back to see if I had "soaked a pad." Unfortunately I had not by that time, the gushes had diminished and I was beginning to feel ridiculous for jumping to the conclusion that my water had broken. The nurse asked me to come in anyway just to be sure. And at the clinic where the gushes picked up again my doctor said "Yup, your water is broken" and sent us directly to the hospital.

At the hospital I was made to strip down and put on a glorified gown and lay down on the bed where I was strapped to the machine that records the baby's heart rate and your contractions. The nurse asked me about my contractions and I said "I don't know, I've never had one and I don't know what they feel like." She said "Really? Because you are having one right now." It turns out they were four minutes apart and don't worry I could really feel them after I was given pitocin. But first they wanted me to walk around to induce them naturally. No such luck.

I am terrified of needles. That probably sounds silly given the situation I had put myself in but I guess I figured I wouldn't have a choice when it came time. The IV, at that time, was the most unpleasant experience in my life. But boy does that pitocin really do the job. Within a couple of hours I was in unbearable discomfort and pain. The doc checked and wouldn't you know it I was still only 1 cm dilated!!! Regardless, I was ready for the epidural.

Needle in spine? Who cares! I needed relief and I got it. Unfortunately my discomfort was replaced with intense nausea. Now I had read in books that sometimes women in labor throw up, and I thought "Yeah, right. Not me!" Ha, ha, ha. I threw up twice. And because of the epidural I had to do it in a semireclining position with my husband and my nurse holding a bucket in front of me. At the same time I was starving, thirsty, exhausted and unable to sleep...

Several hours later it was finally time! (the epidural/pitocin combo works fast and if you are ever in labor and offered an epidural to help things along you should take it, your cervix will go from 1 to 10 in no time at all). So I began to push and just as little fella's head started to decend into the birth canal my epidural wore off. OUCH!!! I pushed pain medication-free for 2 hours with minimal results. Not to mention that my nurse, although she was a lovely lady, kept coaching me with soft reassurances like "keep going, you can do it" over and over and over. Not cool. This point was my new most unpleasant experience and was 100 times worse than the last.

Now in my prenatal classes they talked about forceps and the vacuum and I thought "I would never take such a risk with my baby." The doctor suggested the vacuum and I heartily agreed. The pregnancy magazines also talk about an "unneccesary" procedure called an episiotomy. Oh yeah, I had opinions on those too but when the doctor mumbled something about episiotomy, or maybe something about no time for local to do the episiotomy I said "whatever." It only took 15 more minutes of pushing and finally he was here.

I would love to say that the world around me fell away and I felt an immediate bond with this new creature and just wanted to lay there with his squirming body on my chest forever, but I really just wanted a soda and then to sleep. Don't get me wrong, I immediately loved my son. As much as I tried to resist the temptation to picture what he might look like during my pregnancy I did try to imagine his face. But I couldn't possibly imagine what I saw when they placed him writhing and crying on my chest: The. Most. Beautiful. Baby.

Little JJ was born at 6:15 am on September 21st. 7 lbs 5 oz 21 in. And yes, after I had some time to rest it finally hit me the magnitude of what my husband and I had created and accomplished. It continues to hit me all the time, several times a day, and I don't know that it will ever sink in completely. It is just amazing.

Images of JJ

The First Entry

I have to admit this is a bit intimidating, I have never blogged before. This is for our friends and family so that they might be able to track our progress as new parents, see pictures of our new son, and keep updated on all the minutiae of our life.

So this is my first day alone with JJ, Big Joe went back to work today. The first three weeks as a family were scary, wonderful, difficult, and beautiful. It was great to have the three of us (four if you count Shimmy) together almost every moment and experiencing all of this for the first time together. All the diaper changes, crying sessions, "could that be a smile"(s), feedings (late night and otherwise), infant gas (which is comically much like adult gas), etc. All of it occurring in our cramped bedroom that became the place for everything (meals, sleep, entertainment) for almost three weeks. And now here we are alone JJ and I. So far its going well, but I miss Joe. At the same time I am excited to be taking this journey. For the next few months at least I get to be a stay at home mom and be with my son for all those crucial firsts. I never saw this for myself, but now I want nothing more.

I hope all of you keep up with us as we document our lives together, I am certain that it will be an interesting trip.