Take That!

I'll be brutally honest here. Things were not easy for me after Joseph was born. The adjustment to motherhood was no more or less difficult than I had expected, but I just didn't feel right for a few weeks. I could have easily ignored my feelings (or lack thereof) but I didn't, I got help and now I feel just like me again, only with child. That is so much better than I could have expected!

In addition to these baby-induced changes in me, I am also (finally) dealing with a lot of other issues as well. None of these are issues are exclusive, mind you, they are all linked. One of these issues is my social anxiety.

It seemed to come out of nowhere, and for no good reason sometime about midway through my undergraduate studies. It was far less frequent or intense then, but it came to be around that time just the same. Over the years it has come and gone, spurred on by many random and unexpected triggers. Lately it has intensified again to the point where seeing my family and friends (who I am very familiar with) has even caused me to turn into a ball of nerves.

I have been given a project. Go to the local family resource center play group four times. I went for the first time last week. In the morning I got up, showered, had my coffee, and was getting ready to go. Oh, no, there go those gut feelings again...but they are different this time. Could that be...excitement?!

I went and it was no big thing. As a matter of fact there was only one other mother there, a woman from Austria who was very nice and I am looking forward to seeing her again. I emerged from my initial experience triumphant. I signed up for another mommy group and am anxiously awaiting the end of the week when I will make my second attempt at the play group.

Joseph and I went out into the world 4 times last week which is some kind of record for us. I feel great, I feel better than great. I feel like me again. Take that, social anxiety!