I keep hearing that 30 is the new 20. People who say this are usually under the assumption that 30 means old to most people. I had more than one person ask me if it is hard turning 30. The truth is that I have never felt younger. I don't mean that physically; I am referring instead to my perspective and outlook on things and my ability to enjoy life.
When I think back to my childhood I often feel sorry for the little cynical, serious girl that I was. I felt and behaved more like a 30 year old then than I do now. I recently described myself back then as a "wet blanket." That is not to say that I didn't have a fantastic imagination, or that I wasn't capable of being a kid when the occasion arose. But I didn't understand other kids, really. They were always a bit of an enigma to me, and when I would see the eyes of my peers fill with fascination, wonder or sheer joy at anything, zoo animals, chemistry experiments, birthday cakes, etc. it always seemed a little naive and silly to me.
The longer that I walk this planet, I see and realize that more and more amazing, wonderful or disgusting or horrifying things are possible, and I come to understand that the big complex secret of life is so amazingly simple. Seek comfort and joy in the people that you love. Treat every day with them as a precious gift.
I had my birthday party this past weekend at my in-laws' house. It was simple, small and relaxed. But what made it so special was that I was surrounded by some of my favorite people with no facades, no insecurity, and no judgment. And as I looked around at this group of family and friends, my eyes filled with wonder and sheer joy. I finally get it.
I am living my life in reverse. The older I get, the more childlike I become in many ways. It makes perfect sense to me now that I have come to collect and and take a certain fascination with toys and objects in bright candy colors. My office/studio is starting to look more like the playroom of a young girl than the workspace of a 30 year old woman. But how wonderful that I can see the wonder in my son's eyes and for the first time in my life I understand and I can live these experiences with him as if I am living them for the first time.
Thirty is a wonderful age to be.
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1 comment:
Wow! I say that a lot about your writing! What a lovely way to "turn" 30. And what a gift to just begin the journey that so many have discarded.
You know you will always have the love and support of this branch of the family!
MM
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